we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
