I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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