Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
