well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
