Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i now understand why vodka
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
