we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
