I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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