Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
