Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
are you so shy because you have an std?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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