So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
