hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
