I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
