am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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