started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My vagina is officially offended.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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