Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
