found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
