Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
