I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
