Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
