he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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