shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
