Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
