wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
