Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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