I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
