put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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