From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
