I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
