break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Couch. On fire.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
