I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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