We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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