So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
