the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
