I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
