Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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