How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
