Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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