I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
