So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
