She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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