Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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