i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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