Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
