But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Help me help you realize you are a moron
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
