take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
