Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
