It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
