very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
