It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
