I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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