After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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