If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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