she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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